I Am a Mess in My Sunday Best


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You_are_a_loser (1)Yay! Today is Friday. Not really, I have to work tonight. I don’t like working on Friday night but it’s not like I have plans. Plus I need the money. I have been taking these sleeping pills that my mom bought over the counter. They did not work for her so she gave them to me. I have been taking them a while and last night I took the second to last pill and realized that they had expired on 03/11. That is almost 4 years ago! Last night I went to sleep at 9PM and woke up at 1PM the next day. That was so crazy. Those pills practically made me comatose.

This week my diet has been shity mostly because I don’t give any fucks about anything. I have been pretty much just drinking Mountain Dew and that’s it. Now my face has broken out really bad and I look like the meth addicts at work. On the plus side maybe I will make friends. I’ll try next week to get back on the healthy bandwagon.

Next Monday I have an interview for a part time position at a law firm. I am so nervous and terrified that I am going to fuck it up. I feel physically ill every time I think about it. I wish for one day I could be normal and maybe get a job that would not embarrass my mom when her church friends ask what her daughter does. That got dark fast.

Getting Dumped Sucks !!!!


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I feel so dumb right now. I have been dating Mr. ridiculously good-looking for about a month now and I thought that things were going well. I really liked him and I thought that he liked me. We hung out last Thursday and had a great time. He told me that he could not hangout over the weekend. Friday, he met up with some teachers from school for drinks and on Saturday he went to a party with his roommate. He texted me of the weekend. On Monday we made plans to hangout on Thursday. He texted me on Tuesday, telling how he missed me and could not wait to see me. Then today (Thursday) he texted me in the morning saying he was not sure if we should hangout due to the weather. It had snowed the night before but the roads were fine and by noon there was barely any evidence of snow. I texted him at 3 PM and said that I thought the roads would be fine. (Yes, I know now in retrospect I sound so stupid.) Then he texted me back that he forgot that he told the teachers last Friday that he would be a part of their bowling league on Thursday night. I just texted back and said “That’s cool maybe another time. Have fun.”

I’m really disappointed. It feels like something better came along so he just bailed on me. I really liked this guy and really tried not to mess it up. I was the best version of myself. I did not over text him. I was kind, friendly and outgoing. I deleted his number and if he contacts me I am not going to respond. I am not going to be around when he has nothing else to do. He may have a face that is a work of art, but if you mess with people’s hearts; it’s bad karma and what comes around goes around. Trust me, if anybody knows this it is me.

Work Stories: I Almost Died!!!!


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mrs-crabtreeI have been at my inventory job for about a month. It is an easy job; all I have to do is count merchandise and record it on a small handheld computer. It was a bit stressful at first but everything stresses me out but now it’s not so bad. It is minimum wage paying job and a lot of the people that work there are questionable at best. Most people that I work with look like they are on Meth, so I am like the most attractive person there except this one guy that looks like a young Ashton Kutcher. Everyone that I have worked with smells really bad and looks like they have not showered since 2008. Also I am the only person that does not smoke.  It is not my dream job but I am so grateful that I have a job.

When I go to work I drive to a meet spot which is a Kmart and then take the company bus to the store. Last week, I went to a fabric store in Ashville, NC which was a 2 and a half hour drive away. I had to be at the bus stop at 3:45 AM so I left my travel trailer at 2:45AM to get there early to make sure I got a seat on the bus. I did not want to drive my car, which is on its last leg and only still running by the grace of God, to Ashville. I got there early and the bus was late. When the bus got there I noticed that only a few people got on the bus and the rest were waiting in their cars. I thought that it was weird but got on the bus. Then another bus pulled up and the rest of the people got on the bus.

On the bus I sat next to this lady and she was very large. So I was squished up against the window and she smelled really bad like an egg mcmuffin had gotten lost in one of her rolls and had been marinating there for months. Then for the first hour and a half she was on her cell phone responding to emails on a naughty dating site. Her cell phone was so bright like a flashlight in my eyes. It was 4AM in the morning! I thought it was so rude. Everyone else in the van was trying to sleep the least she could go was turn down the brightness setting. I was really annoyed.

Then there was the bus driver aka the reason no one wanted to ride on this bus. To paint a visual, she looks like a real life version of the bus driver on South Park.  She sang along to the radio the whole way which sounded like a cat being strangled. It was bad and but even the main issue I have with her which is that she can’t drive. I can’t drive well and I own that. This lady makes me look like the world’s greatest driver. To be quite honest it was terrifying. It had iced the night before and we were swerving all over the road; it was like being on a roller coaster. She kept missing turns and once when we turned around we spun on the ice and almost hit a stop sign. The lady beside me started flipping out, yelling at the driver “You can’t F***ing drive. They should have never let you drive in this f***ing weather.” Then the bus driver started yelling back at her. It was not pretty; it was a miracle that we made it to the store in one piece. To make it worse we were late.

My Valentine’s Day


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heartSurprisingly I was not alone on Valentine’s Day. I had not seen Mr. Ridiculously Good-Looking in a while because I was sick and we did not talk much, so I made other plans. But when we hung out last Thursday he asked me if I wanted to hangout on Valentine’s Day. The thing was when he asked me it sounded almost like he was doing me a favor by volunteering to go out with me on Valentine’s Day. We ended up going out on Friday night to celebrate Valentine’s Day and he gave me chocolates. We went to a nice restaurant. He seemed to be in a bad mood and after we were there an hour he wanted to meet up with his friends for a drink. Ok, I hate being with a group of people I don’t know; it makes me really uncomfortable, but I really like this guy. It was supposed to be his roommate, his roommate’s girlfriend and their friend from college, but the girlfriend backed out. I really did not want to go to a guy’s night. He was not happy that I did not want to go.

So I had plans on Valentine’s Day and not will Mr. Ridiculously Good-Looking. When I lived in Charleston, I dated a guy named James. Our relationship ended when I moved. Toward the end we were more friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. We remained friends after I moved. He asked me if I want to comes to Charleston and go to a wine event with some friends and I agreed. On Saturday morning I drove to Charleston and he did not want to go to the wine event. It was really awkward; he was acting like we were still a happy couple. It was uncomfortable; I have not seen him in almost a year. I should have never gone to Charleston. I am not sure what I was thinking. The whole time I was there I kept thinking I just want to leave. I said that my stomach hurt and left. I should have told him the true but I don’t think he would have understood.

So then I drove three hours home. Mr. Ridiculously Good-Looking texted me to see what I was up to and when I said I was on my way home, so we met up for drinks. I really like this guy but I feel like I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

My Thoughts on Married At Frist Sight The First Year: Turkey Days


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MAFS-The-First-Year-About-DI have not been blogging about the last few episodes of Married at Frist Sight: the First Year but I watched last night’s episode and was fired up. (I really need to get a hobby or something; I have too much time on my hands.) Before I get into this post two thing. Monet and Vaughn’s divorce is finalized in this episode and they are seeing other people (don’t care.) Secondly, if you are a diehard fan of Jason don’t read this post; it’s brutal.

In this episode Cortney has to choose between going home to North Carolina and staying in New York with Jason even though he is working for Thanksgiving. She does not want to be alone on Thanksgiving. Cortney is falling apart, crying and wants to see her family. She has supported Jason though the academy, the death of his mother and she just lost her job. She just seems emotionally raw. She ended up stays in New York with Jason and they have a “friendsgiving” with their New York friends. At friendsgiving, Jason talks about missing his mom, since it was his first Thanksgiving without her. I feel bad that his mom is gone but it seems like he has no sympathy for Cortney missing her family. Then after Thanksgiving, she tells Jason she wants to go home to North Carolina for a few days to see her family. I think that Jason could have been a lot more understanding. Then he goes to a friend and is talking about how he did not want to move to North Carolina and divorce. Isn’t that a bit premature? To be fair earlier in the episode Cortney was talks to Monet about possibly going back and forth between New York and North Carolina. Then went she gets back to her and Jason’s apartment; it is empty. Jason better have a damn good reason because right now he looks like an asshole. Cortney has supported him 100% though the academy and the death of his mother. She has been a rock for him for so long and then when she started to fall apart and needs him, he is not supportive.

Can Jamie and Doug get any cuter? I think that Doug is a great guy and I knew when they got married in Married At Frist Sight if she gave him a chance they would be good together. In this episode they have Thanksgiving at their home and invite both of their families. Jamie’s mom does on show up and Jamie is upset. Then they take pictures for an ugly sweater Christmas card with their dog lady. It was super cute.

Update on Mr. Ridiculously Good-Looking


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tumblr_mran5kB5ju1s8hnhko1_500I wrote an update on Mr. Ridiculously Good-Looking yesterday before our date but did not post it. I am glad that I didn’t. It was not that it was a mean post but like the Taylor Swift song “Everything has changed.” Ok, that is a bit dramatic but I got to know a slightly different side of him last night and I think that I am starting to fall for this guy.

Before our date last night, I kind of thought of him as a fun guy but not much else. It almost seemed like he was hiding something. In the past I have said that I wanted a long term relationship and eventually get married. I initially thought that this guy was defiantly not that guy and I was ok with that I just liked spending time with him. (I am defiantly not saying he is that guy.)

Last night we went on our 5 or 6th date. I had not seen him in a little over a week since I was sick. We went bowling; this bowling alley did not serve alcohol and we were both disappointed. We really had a chance to talk and he opened up about his family and his past. He is really close with his dad and his dad calls him almost every day, which I think is sweet. I think that I have really misjudged this guy; he is very guarded but so am I. (Does anybody remember Dallas? I am really fucked up.) I want to give this guy a real chance and I really like him.

My Dad’s Wedding: Sex, Drugs and Alcohol Do Not Always Mix

wedding ringsThis past Saturday was my dad’s wedding to his fiancée, Carol in Santee State Park. I was still sick and after coughing most of the night, I woke up early and drove to Santee. When I got there I called my dad and he did not pick up, so I parked and waited for him to call me back, so I would know which cabin they were in. I waited about 30 minutes and still had not heard from him, so I drove around looking for my Dad’s car. Then I saw him walking around and I flagged him down. My sister was running late; she was still hung over from the night before. When she got there, they were about ready to do the ceremony but Carol was still waiting for her son to show up. He was supposed to be there at noon.

Then my sister and I went with my Dad and Uncle Charlie to the store. We bought a cake for the wedding, steaks, beers, soda, flowers and everything we would need for the dinner after the ceremony. I thought it was crazy that Dad and Carol had not planned this better. It can be a small wedding but still organized. Then we waited till about 5:30 PM for Carol’s son and the sun started to go down. They went ahead and signed the marriage certificate. My sister and I took pictures. Then they started the ceremony outside and then Carol’s son, his wife, and their three children showed up in the nick of time. The ceremony lasted about 15 minutes and it was over.

After the ceremony, they started a small fire in the fire pit. The children were running around collecting twigs for the fire. The eldest boy (maybe 7) asked if there were any snakes and his mom said something like “If I see a snake, I’ll punch you.” What a weird thing to say. Carol’s son’s wife was a very thin woman. She had her hair done but no makeup on. Honestly, she looked like she was on meth. She basically ignored her kids. She had a two year old that kept opening and closing the door to the cabin letting the cold air in. Her daughter was being a brat. Then she was telling us about how she had a misdemeanor for not showing up in court in New York. It was weird but they finally left. I thought that it was so rude that they said they would be there at noon and everybody else had to wait almost 5 and a ½ hours for them to show up. Then when they got there they just expect everybody else to watch their kids.

After they left that was when things started to get crazy. My Aunt Jonnie had probably started drinking when she woke up and just kept drinking. My Dad hide the whiskey and told us to tell her the liquor was gone but she managed to find it and drink it all. Aunt Jonnie told us that she had not been attracted to Uncle Charlie, her husband, when they met and he was lucky to be with her. (Really? My Aunt Jonnie is 50 shade of fucked up. I don’t think she has had a job since I was born and she is one trip to rehab away from getting a free one.) She also said that when they were first married and my cousins were with their dad, they would do cocaine. Interesting, but I really did not need to know that. Then she told Carol that she was upset that Carol’s son brought his kids when she was told that it was adults only. Carol then said “They really tried to get a babysitter. They used the internet. They just don’t know anybody. Besides John (my dad) brought his kids.” What a rude thing to say. Then my sister was telling Aunt Jonnie and Carol about this guy she went on a few date with that she met on Tinder. Carol then said “Are you having sex with him?” Aunt Jonnie chimed in with “How big is his dick?” It was really awkward; I almost chocked on some water and died. I then wished that I had when Carol said some things about my dad that I never ever like ever wanted to know. Sometimes I am glad that I fade into that background.

After they cut the wedding cake, I was feeling like road kill and was ready to go home. Things were winding down and I told my dad that I was really not feeling well and was going to head home. My dad was upset and wanted me to stay at one of the cabins in Santee. Carol interrupted and in front of everybody said “what do you have at home that you don’t have here?” It kind of pissed me off. I was really sick and I went to the doctor I soon as I could so I could be better for the wedding. I hate doctors and I did not really have money to spend on a doctor and medication but I did because I really wanted to be at the wedding for my dad. Then I got up at the crack of dawn after coughing all night and drove 3 hours to Santee. I then waited 5 ½ hours for Carol’s son to show up, I told pictures, I stayed for dinner and cake. And they are mad at me? They should be glad that I stayed as long as I did, but I guess that is family for ya.

I’m Sick + What Is Going On in my Life.


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sickLately my last few blog post have been opinion post about different things going on in pop culture like my latest obsession with the current season of Celebrity Big Brother. I even made a video on it; this is the first time I have made a video in months, so please watch it here. This post is kind of an update of what is going on in my life right now.

Today I feel sick. I keep coughing up yellow gunk. My throat really hurts; the last few morning when I have woken up my mouth had been bone dry and there is crap in the back of my throat. It is painful to swallow and I have been eating cough drops like candy to alleviate the pain in my throat. I also have been drink a lot of water and green tea. I have had an ongoing headache all day and I have several Excedrin Migraine pills and they have not helped. I also just feel weak and achy. I hate being sick.

I have to work my part time inventory job tonight. I wish I felt better but on the plus side the inventory job is at an American Eagle 30 minutes away, so not a long drive and no lifting of heavy pots and pans. I hope that tonight goes well; last week when I worked it did not go well and was really stressful. I really want to do a good job and be a good employee. I am so grateful to have this job. I hate that I am struggling so much.
My sister recently got a “real” job in Charleston (meaning that she is on salary, it’s not a temp job, and it’s a career job.)I am so happy for her. She is so smart and such a hard worker. My sister will be the next Judy Smith, aka the woman that inspired that character of Olivia Pope in Scandal, mark my words. Although I am happy for my sister, I am just more frustrated with myself. What is wrong with me that I can’t get a real job? I spend hours and hours looking and applying for jobs. On March 17, it will have been a year since my last full time job. I am kind freaking out.

My dad is getting married to his Fiancé Carol this Saturday in Santee. I hope that I will feel better this weekend and I am excited to see my sister. It is my dad’s third wedding and I am really excited to be invited this time but I am a little annoyed with my dad. I had not heard from my Dad in a few weeks, so this past Saturday (a week before the wedding) I called him to get the details. I have a lot of anxiety and one of the ways that I handle it is knowing the schedule and know when and where I need to be and what is excepted of me. I asked my dad what time the wedding on Saturday. My dad responded like this “well, umm we may do the ceremony around 2 PM or we may do it after dark in front of the bonfire around fire 7 PM.” That is a 5 hour window and it is a week away. Then I said something “That is so cool that you are having a bonfire. That will be really fun.” Then he was like “Oh, we don’t know if the camp site will let us have the bonfire, we have to find out.” Really, it is a week away. It seem like no planning has gone into this. Then I asked my dad the only question that I really needed that answer to, when do I need to be there? He gave me the vaguest possible answer with a lot of “maybes” and “we might”. It is a week away, really?

My Thoughts on the “Four Five Seconds” Music video by Rihanna, Kanye West and Paul McCartney


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Right now I am obsessed with this song. It sounds like a song that would be on the soundtrack of the movie Camp starring Anna Kendrick. Rihanna really shows her vocal range and I’m blown away.

The music video is in black and white and started off with Rihanna singing. She is really rocking blue collar chic with jeans and jean shirt but she is looking a little rough like maybe she has not slept in three day and said fuck makeup. Kudos for her for going bare faced. On the plus side I think this is the best her voice has ever sounded. I have never hear the term ”wildin” before. Is that something the young people say? Then Paul McCartney plays the guitar. He looks great for a guy in his 70’s. I wish that he did more singing in the song.  Then there is Kanye continuing with the jean theme. I know that he is known for being a rapper but he has a great voice. In the video he looks pissed off and he just dances it out. His dancing skills are on point with Taylor Swift. Kanye West makes me so happy in this music video. There is one part of the music video where they are in the same shot where they are pretending the other people not there. Overall I like music video was not too crazy and lets the song shine. I would give it a 4 out of 5 jean jackets.

My Thought on Celebrity Big Brother Season 15


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I recently started watching the current season of Celebrity Big Brother and I am obsessed. Today I made a video expressing my opinions on the show. I look like 9 miles of bad road and slightly crossed eyed so perfect time to make a video.

Declaimer I am not from the U.K nor have I ever been to the U.K, so I don’t know who most of the people on the show were. I was a fan of Perez Hilton and Michelle Visage going into the show. I have been reading Perez Hilton’s site since high school and his site is my go to source of celebrity gossip. I am a huge fan of RuPaul’s Drag Race and enjoy Michelle Visage on the show. I am really disappointed with Perez Hilton on the show. He runs around like a toddler on a Mountain Dew sugar high in his underwear causing trouble. I am not sure if this is the way that he really is or he is just acting this way for the show. I feel like Michelle Visage is just blah. I do not like Katie Hopkins. She is mean to everybody and just unpleasant.

So if you want to see why I don’t make videos and heard my opinions on the show, please watch my video.


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