All I ever wanted was to be content. Being unemployed was awful and I was extremely depressed. Then things started looking up when I got the inventory job. It was still only part time and paid only a little over minimum wage. I felt so grateful to be employed. Then I got the part time job at the law firm. Again I was extremely grateful, but it was extremely stressful. Last week a legal assistant quit and they offered me a full time position. I don’t get any health benefits but I do get an IRA and life insurance. I even negotiated myself a raise from 9 to 10 dollars an hours. It was very stressful and nearly killed me. So why I am still depressed? Working at the law firm is extremely stressful and I feel like I want to rip out my hair every day. This past week I have been screening potential clients and I hate it. I use to be a screener at the other law firm and it was awful, so when I agreed to go full time at this law firm I made it clear I did not want to screen calls. I am tired of being contently being stressed out.
This morning I left my travel trailer at 3 AM to the bus stop to get my inventory job after a sleepless night. I then took the bus at 4 AM to the inventory site 2 hours away. Then I did counts for the inventory for 6 hours; took the bus back and drove home. I got home a little after three. I feel exhausted and overworked. It is frustrating working two jobs and I’m still barley scraping by.
Why I will never quit either job? I am terrified of being unemployed again and I don’t want to be a loser.