R.I.P My Eyebrows

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no eyebrows

Yesterday I went to get my eyebrows waxed. I went to the Walmart in York, SC. It is like $8 dollars, they do a good job and I’m poor. I have been getting my eyebrows waxed since I was 13 years old. I know how this is supposed to go. I told the girl that I was wanted my eyebrows neatened up. So I sat down and the girl started to wax my eyebrows and something did not seem right. It seemed like she was waxing like 3 hairs at a time. Then the plucking started. Usually when I get my eyebrows waxed it is 90% waxing and 10% plucking and it takes less than 5 minutes. No, not this time, it was more like 10% waxing and 90% plucking and it took over 15 minutes. I have been getting my eyebrows waxed for 12 years and it does not usually bother me but toward the end it was painful. Then when she was finally done she put a mirror up to my face and my jaw hit the floor. I came in there with Albert Einstein eyebrows and wanted them to be shaped into like Cara Delevingne eyebrows but what I got was pencil thin almost nonexistent eyebrows. I have always had dark bushy eyebrows and not having them anymore was weird. I thought maybe I was being a little over dramatic but I saw my mom’s face when she saw my eyebrows. She was making that smile she makes when she has something negative to say and said “they’ll grow back.” I am never going to have my eyebrows done there again. I would rather go to the Benefit brow bar and have it done well even though it cost more money. I don’t ever want to walk around with no eyebrows until they grow out again.

Dating Naked?

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dating-naked

Recap

Dating Naked is a new show on Vh1 about you guessed it, naked dating but it is censored on TV. Oh yes, the same network that brought us gems such as Favor of Love and Rock of love. I really wondered about the caliber of people on this show. The first episode focuses on Joe (24) and Wee Wee (36). (Yes, her name is what toddlers call going to the bathroom.) Basically Joe and Wee Wee go on three dates naked and pick who they want to continue to date at the end. Before the first date Wee Wee said this gem about naked dating” I think that when the clothes come off the walls will come down.” (I was watching this on my computer in my room with headphones on and I was laughing so much my roommate thought I was crying.) Wee Wee and Joe went on the first date and Wee Wee was definitely more into him than he was into her. On the second date Joe goes out with Jasmine and she looks like a model but does not seem to have much of a personality. Then Wee Wee goes out with Jack. He is really pale and super weird. He is a grade A creep. On the third date, Joe goes out with Christina. She is a professional violinist but does not really seem like she wants to be there. Wee Wee goes out with Justice. He is a “headliner”. I don’t know what that mean but I don’t think Wee Wee did either. Then decision time. Joe picks Wee Wee. Wee Wee picks Joe even though he made out with jasmine.

Pros of Dating Naked

  1.  You have to don’t have to worry about picking out an outfit for your date.
  2. You know for sure what gender your date is.
  3. Your date can’t enhance their body to look more appealing like wearing spanks, bra enhancements, booty pads or a man girdle. (Yes, men wear girdles too. I Googled it.) ( Other side note, I did not know what booty pads were before I wrote this post but I think I will buy some now)

My Thoughts

Dating is hard enough with clothes on. I think that guys are visual creatures and the wrapping matters. I am not Heidi Klum not even close. On a first date, I want to look my best and not show my flabby stomach or the cellulite on my butt. I want to wait until later down the road when a guy can overlook my flaws because he likes my personality. I would not do Dating Naked for several reasons. I don’t want to look at myself naked and I would rather rip my intestines out with a teaspoon then be naked in front of a bunch of people I don’t know on national T.V. I am from the South were people are conservative. What would my parents, my boss and my coworkers think? I would worry that being on a show like this would affect my ability to get a promotion or embarrass my family. The caliber of the daters is not very high. I don’t think it would be likely to find a lifelong soul mate on this show.

Dating Hiatus: Dating Sucks

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toddlers

 [ I am ready to be a cat lady and bedazzle cat collars on Etsy]

 I need a break. Dating is exhausting and it not going well at all. Dating is a lot of work.

Getting Ready For a Date

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[ I need all the help I can get.]

Getting ready for a date is a lot of work for a girl. I kind of look like a troll with a face that looks like 9 miles of bad road. So basically the goal is to turn myself into an optical illusion and it takes a lot of work. I always start with shower. Basic hygiene is a must. (Some of my dates would not agree.) Then I put on a ton of makeup to cover my acne. Highlighting and contouring like a Kardashian is a must. (To be fair I love makeup. My makeup routine keeps getting longer and longer because I keep adding things. I start out with the idea that I am going to go for a natural look and 40 minutes later I look like a Kardashian. I think I am a makeup addict.) Then my hair, I have very long frizzy hair and it is a hassle. I like to curl it so it looks less crazy. Then I pick out a cute outfit and accessorize.

The Date

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[ Jubba the hutt would be a step up from some of my dates]

My thoughts waiting to meet the guy: Is the guy going to show up? Is he going to look like his pictures? Please really be a guy. I hope I don’t get rape murder killed.

I don’t like when a guy hugs me when we first meet. (A high percentage of my dates have smelled bad and I don’t need an up close and personal whiff of their ob.) Then hopefully we have a nice time but if not then I am mentally planning my escape without being rude because I am pretty sure this guy wants to wear my skin as a coat. I went on this date with a guy that was in his 40’s and he seemed normal when he talked on the phone but when we meet for coffee he was so weird. He asked things like “Do you think women are subservient to men? Jews are the superior people? I’m I the most attractive date that you have had? Am I the smartest guy you have ever met?” He was weird and extremely greasy. He said he was in his 40’s but he looked to be in his late 50’s. So creepy I could not get out of that place past enough.

Overall thoughts: I know that you have to kiss a bunch of frogs before you get a prince but I’m tired. My heart hurts. I have only been in love once and I know what it’s like and this is not working. I need a break.

Friday Night Date

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creep

Friday night I had a first date with a guy that I met on Plenty of Fish. He was a 33 year old engineer that graduated from Clemson University. (Tigers for life!) So we met for drinks at about 8 o’clock. He had a lazy or wondering eye and it looked like he was 9 months pregnant. When we met he hugged me. It was awkward and he smelled really bad. He looked like he had not showered or washed his clothes. (I know that he did not choose to have a lazy eye but hygiene is something that he could do something about. I don’t get it. All a guy has to do to get ready for a date is shower and wear clean clothes. It is harder for a girl. Not only as a girl do I have to shower and wear clean clothes, I have to pick out a cute outfit, do my hair, makeup and accessorize. This guy can’t even take a shower to meet me?)

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[Yeah, it was super awkward]

Then we sat and ordered drinks. We reminisced about our time at Clemson and it was nice talking to him but the whole time he was twisting his beard into like these little knots. He kind of reminded me of crazy eyes in Orange is the New Black. Then at the end of the date he insisted on walking me to my car. (I parked in a parking garage.) Then when we were waiting for the elevator he tried to kiss me. It was really awkward. I told him that it was sweet of him to want to walk me to my car but I could take it from here but he insisted. Then in the elevator he tried to kiss me again. I like bent my head around backward to avoid it. Then he made a comment like he bought me a drink so I owed him. (I am not a prostitute and if I was I would be worth a four dollar drink. How rude!) Then he walked me to my car and he tried to kiss me again! (Can this guy not take a hint? Really, after his comment about owing him, he thought it would be a good idea to try again?) It was so uncomfortable and I could not wait to get away from him. We are definitely not going on a second date.

I’m beginning to be Optimist about this?

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I'm an adult

Today I started my new job as a research assistant at a company that does background checks. This is literally that most impressive job title that I have ever had. What next I work for NASA? (The job is not that impressive.) I feel really good about this job and I’m excited about it. If I do a good job than it is very likely I will be permanent. Could I be on the road to getting my shit together? For the first time in a long time, I feel like I am on the right path.

Fashion Oh No No’s: Jennifer Edition

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I have not done a fashion blog post in what seems like forever but today I felt inspired by two of the most talented ladies in Hollywood Jennifer Lawrence and Jennifer Lopez. Unfortunately even these ladies can’t always get it right.

Jennifer Lopez

j lo

Ms. Lopez wore this ensemble to Paris Fashion Week. She wore a strapless white gown with a sequin pant leg. The pant leg side had a silvery belt like thing around half of the waist. She completes this look with white platform shoes, long silver earrings and a bracelet. It looks like she could not make up her mind whether she wanted to wear pants or a gown so she wore both. I’m sorry but I just don’t like it. The one sequin pant leg looks like she is a Las Vegas magician’s assistant. Then there are her silvery accessories. My first thought was “I am titanium”. No one can argue that she is not an ageless beauty that is always fabulous in everything she wears. I think that Jennifer Lopez is a fashion icon that set the bar high and this outfit just falls a little bit short.

Jennifer Lawrence

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Jennifer Lawrence had a major beauty blunder at Christian Dior’s show during Paris Fashion week. Jennifer is a little bit over bronzed quickly approaching Oompa Loompa territory.  I am surprised an A- Lister like Jennifer Lawrence would not have a top notch glam squad that would not say “J. Law, your face is orange.” Jennifer ease up on the tanning and better luck next time.

Would I Want to Date Me?

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Moulin Rouge gif

[My mom recently gave me some of my old CDs from high school that she had been holding on to and one of them was the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. I use to be obsessed with the soundtrack. Could Moulin Rouge be the reason I have unrealistic expectations of love?]

I have been online dating for a little while on Plenty of Fish and at first I thought it would be a way to meet new people. I have been out on a few dates and they have not gone well but I have realized that I really do want to find someone. In the past few years, I feel like I have given up on love and thought getting married was not in the cards for me. I was so tired of having my heart shattered into million pieces. Honestly, I thought I would end up being a recluse with a few cats. (I’m not good with people at all) I really do want to fall head over heels in love and one day to get married. I worry that the kind of guy I am looking for would not be attracted to me. (I am not talking about looks.) Maybe I need to get my stuff together to attract the type of guy that I am looking for. If I was a guy would I want to date me? (Sure, if I was a homeless meth addict. I would totally date me.) I mean is it realistic for me to want a decent guy when I am a hot mess?

Why I am a mess (or stuff that I need to work on)

Mindy Project

[ Truth, I don’t want to an ugly mess.]

- I have a BS in Sociology from a good school. (I will be shackled with debt the rest of my life. Yea, I owe that much.)
- I have a temporary job for the next 3 months at a company that runs background checks. (There is potential for it to be a full time position, if they like my work. Honestly I have no idea where I will in 3 months.)
- I live with my step sister. (Don’t worry; I pay half the rent and utilities, so it is not like I am a bum. She acts more like my mother than my roommate even though I’m an adult.)
- I am not athletic and I eat crap, so I’m a chunky monkey. (To be fair, I am working on my diet and exercising more. Right now the most exercise I get is mowing my lawn twice a week with a push mower)
- My main hobbies include makeup and blogging. (What guy is interested in either of those things? Most people don’t consider either of them hobbies. I told my dad that my dream job would be to work for Benefit managing their social media accounts and writing their blog. He just laughed and said it was a waste of time. He then suggested I try to get a job with the sheriff’s office.
- I watch way too much Netflix. ( If there was a rehab facility for binge watching Netflix , I would be patient zero lol)
- I am really messy and unorganized. ( This is my least favorite quality about myself but I am working on it)

What I want in a guy

Benidict cumber

[Benedict Cumberbatch, for once I am speechless]

- Educated- I want a guy that some education past high school. It does not matter if it is a certificate, associate’s degree or some kind of training program. (I am very proud of my degree and I can’t stand dating a guy less intelligent then I am.)
- Not a crazy Person- I want to date a guy that is mature and emotionally stable. (I am a little bit wishy washy. I hate this about myself. I need someone that is stable and can tolerate my crap. )
- Not a Slob.-I want someone organized. (I want to be organized and not messy. I worry that if I dated someone messy than I would not be motivated to change.
- Health conscious – I want to date a guy that is athletic and eats well. (I am really trying to be healthy even though I fall off the healthy wagon at least once a week.)
- Honesty – I just want a guy to tell me the truth and not lead me on.

Your Free to leave me

[ Again with the Moulin Rouge gifs, I think that everything sounds better in the form of a song.]

Final Thoughts: I just want to date a guy that treats me well and pushes me to be the best that I can be. Maybe to attract the right guy, I need to get my act together a little bit.

Dating Disasters: I’m Human too

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Warning: Fowl language ahead. Sorry Mom.

A week or two ago, I joined Plenty of Fish and for the most part it had not been going well at all. When I joined the site, I did not have an expectation and just thought it would be a fun way to meet new people. I went on a few dates and most of them were a disaster.

are-you-kidding-me

Then I met Rob. He was the right age, had a job and a quirky personality. He seemed to be everything that I was looking for and more. It does not hurt that he is literally the most attractive person, I have ever seen in my life. We got along well and went out on a few dates. They were great and we would spend the whole day together. He told me that he just wanted to date one person, which is fine. That is what I want to but I don’t like to rush into anything. The one thing that I asked him was just to be honest with me and if he was not interested anymore please just tell me instead of just stop talking to me. (I hate when people do this. It drives me crazy. I would rather someone just say they are not interested in me.) On our most recent date, he told me that he wanted to be exclusive and I agreed. He has not spoken to since and won’t return any of my text. I checked on Plenty of Fish and it showed that he was online. I guess he changed his mind or meet someone else that he liked more. Which is fine but I wish he would have told me. I really liked him.

newgirl-hidemycrazy

[I know I'm crazy and it is off putting to most people]

My Thoughts: Dating is hard. Anytime people’s hearts are involved there is a risk of being hurt. I think when you are dating it is important that you remember that the person you are dating is human too. They also have a heart so be considerate of their feelings. Remember if you treat people like shit that is just bad karma on you.

Getting Stood Up

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rude

I met a guy on Plenty of Fish and we had planned to meet at a Starbucks uptown one afternoon. I texted him about 45 minutes before we were planning to meet and he say he would be there. So I drove uptown and luckily I was able to find street parking. I arrived a little early at Starbucks and ordered a drink. Then I waited 20 minutes after the time we agreed to meet and he did not show up. I texted him to ask if he was still coming and he did not respond. I then left and a week later he texted me and told me that he had forgot. He asked me if I wanted to meet up and I politely said no.

payphone

[Truth]

I don’t think that in this day and age, there is any excuse to stand someone up. Almost everyone has a cell phone and is contently connected to social media. He could not take 5 seconds to send me a text saying that he would not make it? It is not like the 50’s where people did not have consent communication. There is no excuse to stand someone up and waste their time.

Dating Disaster

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[Image via http://www.shopluka.com ]
[Oh, yes it was that bad.]

As I mentioned in a previous post, I am trying online dating using Plenty of Fish. It is not going really well. So on Friday I went on a date with a guy that I meet on the site. He was a 25 year old student. (I know he is a little younger then I wanted, but he seemed nice so I thought I would give him a chance. It was dinner not a marriage proposal.) So we met at Noodles and Company which is conveniently located next to the Wine Loft (My favorite drinking spot.) I showed up a little bit early and ordered tomato basil soup and sat down. My soup was terrible and he was late. He dressed kind of like a middle school kid. We chatted while we ate and he seemed nice. We decided to go to the Wine Loft next door. It was about 8 o’clock. The first thing that he did was order a shot of whiskey. (Really, it is 8 o’clock at the Wine Loft. It is not last call at a college bar.) Then he told me that he did not like wine or beer and he only liked cocktails. (Blasphemy, why did he even agree to go to the Wine Loft?) Then he wanted to order a cocktail but was worried he would not like it. I ordered a 007 cocktail and he asked to try my drink. I said ok and then he drank my drink. (How rude! Letting someone take a slip of your drink is different than giving them your drink.) I ordered another drink. Then his speech got more and more slurred. He was embarrassingly tipsy and I kept telling him to drink some more water. The bartender asked him if he was ok. (I am a regular at the Wine Loft and I was embarrassed the he was acting this way in front of my people.)

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[Image via http://www.beforeitsbig.tumblr.com ]

Then when the bartender asked about the check my date said “I’ll pay for the shot and she will pay for the rest.” I thought this was kind of rude. Is it old fashion to except a guy to pay for a date? Or is it just a Southern thing? I know times have changed but I always thought whoever asked for the date pays. Either way we are not going on another date.

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