Dating Naked Episode 3

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Diane is a 28 year old beautiful blonde from New York. She is looking for true love. (Lol) Keegan is a 26 year old hunky guy from Pennsylvania. As per usual, their first naked date was with each other. They went spear fishing. (Sharp objects and naked people how could that possibly go wrong?) Diane caught a fish. They cooked it and ate it. They are beautiful people but unfortunately there was zero chemistry between them. (Seriously, there was more chemistry between Diane and the fish then between her and Keegan.) On the second date Diane went out with Dan. Dan talked like 90 miles an hour and was not as muscular as Keegan. He had never been in a relationship. (Wait how old is he again? 26…oh)They went paddle boarding. He kept talking and Diane was not in to it at all. At one point I thought she was going to jump out of the paddle board and swim away to get away from his incessant talking. They sat on talked on this island and Diane began to see potential in Dan. Keegan went out with Jessie. Jessie told him being naked meant nothing to her. (Then why is she on this show?) Jessie and Keegan get a mud body mask. After the dates, all of the daters went back to the villa and Dan reveled that he had never had alcohol before and he spent his 21st  birthday at Chuck E. Cheese’s. (I thought that if you an adult you could only go to Chuck E. Cheese’s with you had a child with you. You know to protect the children from creepy adults.) Keegan’s third date was with Katie. Katie had a mouth like a sailor and reminded me of the construction guys that do cat calls at the ladies as they pass by. They went zip lining. (Zip lining is one of the top 10 things I would not want to do naked. Is VH1 trying to get sued?) They decided to go zip lining together and Keegan told the camera that he did not want to because she repulsed him. Then Katie slams her face on a tree and gets a black eye. (Lol) Diane went out with Scott and he went straight in with a huge hug when they met. (Awkward) He was more of Diane’s type than the other guys. They went naked horseback riding. All of the singles met back at the villa. Katie came to the party late due to her injury and she was revved up like a pit bull and blamed Keegan for her injury. Diane spent most of the time getting touchy feeling with Scott but then went to sleep early to sleep on her feelings. Scott then got drunk and made out with Katie. Katie is a hot mess. The next day Dan told Diane that he liked her. (Awe) Keegan picked Jessie and she hesitantly agreed to go out him again. Then lovely Katie flipped out. (She reminded me of a toddler having temper tantrum. It was hilarious.) Diane picked Dan.

Guilty Pleasure T.V Married at First Sight: The Honeymoon

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I don’t know why but I am addicted to this show. I really want the couples to make it. So I am going to recap the third episode the honeymoon and interweave it with my thoughts. I have already recapped the first two episodes so if you don’t know what I am talking about then go back and read those posts ( or not).

Jamie and Doug- It is still awkward between them. Doug gives Jamie the scrapbook that he made her of his family. They spend their wedding night talking. (I think that Doug is sweet and Jamie is a little stand offish) They spend their honeymoon in St. Thomas. They go to the beach and Doug gets stung but a jelly fish. (Doug is really not that bad looking.) They swim with the walruses and Jamie realized that she and Doug have a lot on common and starts to be ok with him touching her. (It’s so cute) Then on their last night of the trip they go on a romantic dinner. Jamie is having fun (or drunk) and they kiss. It is so cute. They are my new favorite couple.

Predictions: In the next episode it previews that they are moving into together. Doug lives with this parents so I don’t think Jamie is going to take that well but I think Doug is growing on her and I think that they will fall in love. (I have a 6th sense about this)

Cortney and Jason- They go to the Poconos for their honeymoon. (I am not sure where the Poconos is but its cold there.)  They have an indoor picnic where they are this talk and connect. They consummate the marriage. I think they are so cute.

Predictions: They are really compatible so I think that they will easily adjust to living together but I am concerned that their intense work schedules will be a strain on their new relationship but I’m optimistic they will be able to make their relationship work.

Monet and Vaughn- They consummated their marriage on the wedding night and they let us know in the most awkward way possible. The next day they have brunch with their family and they find out they are going to Puerto Rico for their honeymoon. In Puerto Rico they go stand up paddle boarding and have trouble connecting emotionally with each other but the attraction is there. They go on a boat ride and Monet is a bit stand offish and Vaughn is not having it. Vaughn drops a bomb that Monet is not paying enough attention to him (I love me some Vaughn but I think that he is kind of being a jerk.) They go to a romantic dinner and they keep talking about the physical things they like about each other. (Umm… that is a great way to work on the emotional part of their relationship. They are my least favorite couple.)

Predictions: They are the first couple to have a couple’s spat and I don’t think that they handled it well. I think that it is great that they have a great physical relationship but they need to put more effort into getting to know each other if they want their marriage to work.

The Marketing People at Ulta are Evil Geniuses

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Tarte

I have not written a beauty post in a while but I  felt like this was something I wanted to blog about. I was kind of on a beauty break and a few weeks ago I got an email from Ulta saying that if I spend like $40 before 2015 I would be a platinum member. At first I was excited and then I thought wow, I can’t believe I have spent that much money at Ulta. It is kind of sad. So a couple of days later, I needed some more mascara. (I seriously don’t leave the house without mascara. That would just be cray cray.) I could have gone to the Target next to my work but I thought I would go to Ulta and work on my platinum status. I was just going to get the Maybelline the Falsies. It is my favorite mascara. I think who ever created the formula for this mascara probably wishes they would have sold it to Urban Decay or something. Whoever invented the formula would be even richer than they are now. Seriously this stuff is amazing and I prefer it over most of my high end mascaras. So I went to Ulta on a Sunday. I am a really into Benefit and Urban Decay so I always look at their stuff when I go to Ulta but then I stumbled (or was lead by the bright colors) to Tarte Cosmetics. I like the idea that Tarte Cosmetics are natural and cruelty-free (got to protect the animals.) I have not really been into Tarte Cosmetics before because their foundations are dark and too orange. (Again I am a 100% Clemson tiger for life but it’s not game day. Also I am really pale kind of like an extra in Twilight pale. Tarte Cosmetics does not have a foundation that matches my completion.) Then I saw the Rainforest after Dark Colored Clay Eye & Cheek Palette. I fell in love instantly. The packaging is so beautiful. It has a gold snake with a purple jewel for an eye. It has everything that I love in one palette. It has highlighting, contouring powder, blush and some sexy eye shadows. I am obsessed with highlighting and contouring like a kardashian. Now the eye shadows are a little out of my comfort zone (I am most comfortable in neutral colors); it includes three are purple shades, one is gold and the other two are brown. My favorite colors in the palette are the purple and the gold. To make a long story short I bought it. I also bought a cream contour stick and contour brush from Tarte. I walked out of the Ulta spending over double what I needed to get my platinum status and I did not buy any mascara.

Guilty Pleasure T.V: Married At First Sight Episode 2 The Wedding

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(Left to right Jason, Cortney, Monet, Vaughn, Jamie and Doug)

I watched episode one yesterday and wrote a review about it. It was ok so I thought I would write about the next episode too. If you are curious about what the hell this show is about check out my previous blog post. I am going to watching the show and write about every thought that pops into my head like we are watching it together (which is not creepy/ sad at all.)

Doug and Jamie- Last week things did not look good for them. Jamie says she is not attracted to the guy at all and feels let down by the experts but she legally married him anyway. She lets him kiss her on the cheek at the altar and it is so awkward. It is obvious that she is not attached to him. I feel so bad for Doug. After the ceremony they have a photo session. Jamie is really like really uncomfortable. The whole time she has this look on her face that says “Please don’t touch me”. I feel like in the first episode I gave Doug a hard time but during the photo shoot he is making jokes to help her relax. Then she has a total nervy breaky and starts crying in a ball in a corner. She pulled herself together like Beyonce that time that she got pulled off the stage by crazy fan and then got back on the stage and finished her show like pro. Lucky she begins to give him a chance.

Cortney and Jason-Cortney walks herself down the aisle. When they are at the altar they can’t stop smiling at each other; it is so cute. (I love her earrings; they are so pretty.)They kiss at the altar and everyone goes nuts. There is definitely chemistry between them. I so called it in the first episode. I should be the Sociologist on season 2. Obliviously I have some skills. (I majored in Sociology in school and I think that I am a little bit more entertaining than the current Sociologist on the show. I am just saying.) During the photo session they are so comfortable together. They look like a couple that has been together forever. During the first dance Cortney is really nervous and Jason is calming her down. (Excuse me while I vomit, they are so sweet I just can’t handle it)

Vaughn and Monet-Monet looks like she has really bad cramps when she walks down the aisle. Vaughn appears calm and cool like a sexy cucumber. They also opt to kiss on the check at the altar. Then after the ceremony Monet gets all dramatic and has an anxiety attack. At the photo session Monet warms up at little bit. I’m sorry that I am not sorry but I just don’t really like Monet, maybe she will grow on me as the season progresses but I don’t know. At the reception, the guest start to clink their glasses for the couple to kiss and they kiss. Then Monet says to the camera something like it was awkward but it was not like his lips were cutting her lips. What a weird thing to say.

Predictions: When I watched the first episode of this show I was not crazy about it but now I’m addicted. (I really need a hobby or second job because this is just sad on my part.) I think that there is a lot of chemistry between Cortney and Jason and I am rooting for them to be successful as a couple. I did not like Doug at first but he has grown on me and I think that he grow on Jamie. I think that if Jamie gives him a real chance they could make it as a couple. Then there is Vaughn and Monet. I think that they have potential to be a good couple if Monet stops being so weird. To be fair if could be just creative editing; I don’t know. Time will tell.

Note: If you like these post about guilty pleasure TV shows, like this post and I’ll write more. (Let’s be honest, I will probably write more anyway.)

 

Marriage At First Sight ?

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If you thought that Dating Naked was a little crazy this show takes it to a new level. Marriage at First Sight is a show on FYI. (I have never heard of this channel.) Basically a panel of four experts matches three couples and they meet for the first time on their wedding day. Then they are going to live together as husband and wife for 30 days and then they must decide if they want to stay married or get divorced. Dating is hard and I get it but this is a little bit extreme? Oh, yea and it is 100% legal. So how do the experts match these people? The singles are matched scientifically with lots of in-depth test. Then experts interview these people in their homes to really get to know the people. So let’s meet the players.

Jason

Jason is a 27 year old EMT/ wrestler/ firefighter. He is from Brooklyn and lives with his mother with cancer. (Awe, that is so sad.)

Cortney

She is 26 and from Charlotte, NC. She lives in New York and is a makeup artist. She is also part of a burlesque group. She has a roommate in a one bedroom with curtain in the middle of the room.

Doug

Doug is a 31 year old software salesman. He lives with his parents and is planning to move out soon. He had a big family and they are close.

Vaughn

Vaughn is 30 years old. He was in the air force and now works for a property management company. He seems really sweet and genuine.

Jamie

Jamie is a 27 year old labor and delivery nurse. At 20 years old she became the legal guardian of your two younger siblings. She says that personality is more important than looks.

Monet

Monet is 33 and a product developer. She wants a man that leads in the relationship but it to feel like a partnership. She tells this story about her cousin and her husband where he picks her underwear out of her butt without she having to say anything. (That is so gross. That is one story that does not need to be shared on national T.V.)

The Three Couples

Jamie and Doug- They are both outgoing and late bloomers. Doug has a close tight knit family and that is what Jamie wants. Jamie is really way more attractive than Doug. She said personally is most important to her. (Any girl that says looks don’t matter at all is a lair.) I wonder how she is going to react at the altar.

Monet and Vaughn- They have the most compatibility out of all the couples. What they are looking for really line up with each other. I think that they are super cute as a couple. I really like Vaughn but sometimes Monet comes across a little bit stuck up. Something about her makes me want to slap her. She is so annoying. (Or maybe I just want Vaughn for myself ? lol)

Cortney and Jason- They both like excitement and adventure. I think that they are a good match. He does weaseling and she does burlesque. I can see how they would be compatible but I worry that he has some much going on that he won’t have enough time to work on their relationship. I can’t put my finger on it but I have a good feeling about them.

The Wedding Day

Doug creates this cheat sheet of his family and friends. Jamie walks down the aisle, starts crying and has this frozen awkward smile like on her face that says she is not happy. Then the episode ends.

Would I get married at first sight?

Yes, I would. (Mostly because at this rate I am destine to be a cat lady.)Now I know that you are thinking Lor that is crazy. I know but I get it. Dating is exhausting. There are a lot of jerks out there. It sucks having to kiss a bunch of toads to get to a prince. Maybe having a group of experts to find my perfect match is not such a bad idea because whatever I am going is not working. I mean you would go to an optometrist if you are having issues with your vision because they are experts that can get you glasses so you can see. Why can’t it be the same if you are having trouble finding a spouse? I know that love is not an exact science but maybe there is something to scientific matching and expects.

Dating Naked Episode 2

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I reviewed the first episode of the show and thought what the hell I’ll watch another episode. It can’t get any worse right? Wrong! This episode focuses around Steven and Taryn. Steven is a 35 year old, Australian, freelance writer that lives in L.A. He is a character to say the least. He kind of reminds me of Ricky Gervais. Then there is Taryn the blonde hairstylist that is totally not high maintenance at all from San Francisco. She really wants to date other types of guys. (Lucky for her there is Steven) When the host tells them they are dating each other first. Taryn is not happy about it at all. When she meets Steven naked she says “There was so many types of guys as far as packages go.” They go water skiing and Steven flops around like he is being tasered. The date is awkward but Taryn is less of jerk. Steven goes on his next date with Ashley from Clemson, South Carolina. (I went to Clemson University. Go Tigers! ) They went on an ATV naked (one ATV, awkward) .Taryn goes out with Dar. He has a septum piercing, long beautiful hair and beautiful teeth. Then they do a naked photo shoot on the beach. They look at the photos and Taryn is not happy about the pictures. (To be fair who would be happy about a stranger taking naked pictures of them on the beach unless you’re a Playboy model.) Then everybody goes back to the villa and gets drunk. Taryn and Dar spend the night together and Ashley disses Steven so hard. For the last date Taryn meets Andrew and he is beautiful like a model. He is Taryn’s type and they have a dancing lesson. Steven meets Marissa and she plays videogames. They play bad mitten. They seem to get along well on the date. Then it takes a turn for the worse and Marissa tells Steven that she usedsmen like candy.( Who says something like that on a first date?) Then all the singles meet at the villa and drink more alcohol. Taryn is torn between Dar and Andrew. Taryn spend the night with Andrew. (I am not trying to be judgmental but I would be embarrassed if all of my family, co workers and friends saw me hook up with two dudes I did not know well on national T.V. Steven picks Marissa (Big Shock.) Then Taryn makes the tough choice between Dar and Andrew. She picks Andrew.

R.I.P My Eyebrows

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Yesterday I went to get my eyebrows waxed. I went to the Walmart in York, SC. It is like $8 dollars, they do a good job and I’m poor. I have been getting my eyebrows waxed since I was 13 years old. I know how this is supposed to go. I told the girl that I was wanted my eyebrows neatened up. So I sat down and the girl started to wax my eyebrows and something did not seem right. It seemed like she was waxing like 3 hairs at a time. Then the plucking started. Usually when I get my eyebrows waxed it is 90% waxing and 10% plucking and it takes less than 5 minutes. No, not this time, it was more like 10% waxing and 90% plucking and it took over 15 minutes. I have been getting my eyebrows waxed for 12 years and it does not usually bother me but toward the end it was painful. Then when she was finally done she put a mirror up to my face and my jaw hit the floor. I came in there with Albert Einstein eyebrows and wanted them to be shaped into like Cara Delevingne eyebrows but what I got was pencil thin almost nonexistent eyebrows. I have always had dark bushy eyebrows and not having them anymore was weird. I thought maybe I was being a little over dramatic but I saw my mom’s face when she saw my eyebrows. She was making that smile she makes when she has something negative to say and said “they’ll grow back.” I am never going to have my eyebrows done there again. I would rather go to the Benefit brow bar and have it done well even though it cost more money. I don’t ever want to walk around with no eyebrows until they grow out again.

Dating Naked?

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Recap

Dating Naked is a new show on Vh1 about you guessed it, naked dating but it is censored on TV. Oh yes, the same network that brought us gems such as Favor of Love and Rock of love. I really wondered about the caliber of people on this show. The first episode focuses on Joe (24) and Wee Wee (36). (Yes, her name is what toddlers call going to the bathroom.) Basically Joe and Wee Wee go on three dates naked and pick who they want to continue to date at the end. Before the first date Wee Wee said this gem about naked dating” I think that when the clothes come off the walls will come down.” (I was watching this on my computer in my room with headphones on and I was laughing so much my roommate thought I was crying.) Wee Wee and Joe went on the first date and Wee Wee was definitely more into him than he was into her. On the second date Joe goes out with Jasmine and she looks like a model but does not seem to have much of a personality. Then Wee Wee goes out with Jack. He is really pale and super weird. He is a grade A creep. On the third date, Joe goes out with Christina. She is a professional violinist but does not really seem like she wants to be there. Wee Wee goes out with Justice. He is a “headliner”. I don’t know what that mean but I don’t think Wee Wee did either. Then decision time. Joe picks Wee Wee. Wee Wee picks Joe even though he made out with jasmine.

Pros of Dating Naked

  1.  You have to don’t have to worry about picking out an outfit for your date.
  2. You know for sure what gender your date is.
  3. Your date can’t enhance their body to look more appealing like wearing spanks, bra enhancements, booty pads or a man girdle. (Yes, men wear girdles too. I Googled it.) ( Other side note, I did not know what booty pads were before I wrote this post but I think I will buy some now)

My Thoughts

Dating is hard enough with clothes on. I think that guys are visual creatures and the wrapping matters. I am not Heidi Klum not even close. On a first date, I want to look my best and not show my flabby stomach or the cellulite on my butt. I want to wait until later down the road when a guy can overlook my flaws because he likes my personality. I would not do Dating Naked for several reasons. I don’t want to look at myself naked and I would rather rip my intestines out with a teaspoon then be naked in front of a bunch of people I don’t know on national T.V. I am from the South were people are conservative. What would my parents, my boss and my coworkers think? I would worry that being on a show like this would affect my ability to get a promotion or embarrass my family. The caliber of the daters is not very high. I don’t think it would be likely to find a lifelong soul mate on this show.

Dating Hiatus: Dating Sucks

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 [ I am ready to be a cat lady and bedazzle cat collars on Etsy]

 I need a break. Dating is exhausting and it not going well at all. Dating is a lot of work.

Getting Ready For a Date

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[ I need all the help I can get.]

Getting ready for a date is a lot of work for a girl. I kind of look like a troll with a face that looks like 9 miles of bad road. So basically the goal is to turn myself into an optical illusion and it takes a lot of work. I always start with shower. Basic hygiene is a must. (Some of my dates would not agree.) Then I put on a ton of makeup to cover my acne. Highlighting and contouring like a Kardashian is a must. (To be fair I love makeup. My makeup routine keeps getting longer and longer because I keep adding things. I start out with the idea that I am going to go for a natural look and 40 minutes later I look like a Kardashian. I think I am a makeup addict.) Then my hair, I have very long frizzy hair and it is a hassle. I like to curl it so it looks less crazy. Then I pick out a cute outfit and accessorize.

The Date

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[ Jubba the hutt would be a step up from some of my dates]

My thoughts waiting to meet the guy: Is the guy going to show up? Is he going to look like his pictures? Please really be a guy. I hope I don’t get rape murder killed.

I don’t like when a guy hugs me when we first meet. (A high percentage of my dates have smelled bad and I don’t need an up close and personal whiff of their ob.) Then hopefully we have a nice time but if not then I am mentally planning my escape without being rude because I am pretty sure this guy wants to wear my skin as a coat. I went on this date with a guy that was in his 40’s and he seemed normal when he talked on the phone but when we meet for coffee he was so weird. He asked things like “Do you think women are subservient to men? Jews are the superior people? I’m I the most attractive date that you have had? Am I the smartest guy you have ever met?” He was weird and extremely greasy. He said he was in his 40’s but he looked to be in his late 50’s. So creepy I could not get out of that place past enough.

Overall thoughts: I know that you have to kiss a bunch of frogs before you get a prince but I’m tired. My heart hurts. I have only been in love once and I know what it’s like and this is not working. I need a break.

Friday Night Date

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creep

Friday night I had a first date with a guy that I met on Plenty of Fish. He was a 33 year old engineer that graduated from Clemson University. (Tigers for life!) So we met for drinks at about 8 o’clock. He had a lazy or wondering eye and it looked like he was 9 months pregnant. When we met he hugged me. It was awkward and he smelled really bad. He looked like he had not showered or washed his clothes. (I know that he did not choose to have a lazy eye but hygiene is something that he could do something about. I don’t get it. All a guy has to do to get ready for a date is shower and wear clean clothes. It is harder for a girl. Not only as a girl do I have to shower and wear clean clothes, I have to pick out a cute outfit, do my hair, makeup and accessorize. This guy can’t even take a shower to meet me?)

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[Yeah, it was super awkward]

Then we sat and ordered drinks. We reminisced about our time at Clemson and it was nice talking to him but the whole time he was twisting his beard into like these little knots. He kind of reminded me of crazy eyes in Orange is the New Black. Then at the end of the date he insisted on walking me to my car. (I parked in a parking garage.) Then when we were waiting for the elevator he tried to kiss me. It was really awkward. I told him that it was sweet of him to want to walk me to my car but I could take it from here but he insisted. Then in the elevator he tried to kiss me again. I like bent my head around backward to avoid it. Then he made a comment like he bought me a drink so I owed him. (I am not a prostitute and if I was I would be worth a four dollar drink. How rude!) Then he walked me to my car and he tried to kiss me again! (Can this guy not take a hint? Really, after his comment about owing him, he thought it would be a good idea to try again?) It was so uncomfortable and I could not wait to get away from him. We are definitely not going on a second date.

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